How We Talk Motivates Their Walk To Succeed

aggression23handshake3By the time we’ve reached adulthood, we’ve established how we communicate with others.  Our patterns have been paved with years of interactions.  If people are not giving us the results we talk about, our communication skills need sharpening.

Communication is simply sending and receiving.  It’s an interactive exchange of words, expressions and feelings that produce understanding, agreement and trust.

anthony robbinssageWhen we’re sending, we are usually in the role of the Sage.  As a Sage we believe that we’re important and have something to contribute.  We are free to access any feelings or actions to emphasize our message. Typical Sage characteristics:  Friendly, Has A Message, Sets Goals, Encourages,  Challenges, Asks Questions, Answers Questions, Takes Risks and Is A Leader.

howlerThe other sender role we gravitate to is the Howler. We know we have something to contribute but when we’re getting resistance, we step it up.  We speak in this role when we’re annoyed, frustrated or angry.  Here is a sample of Howler characteristics:  Stern, Demanding, Raises Their Voice, Is Right-You’re Wrong, Gives Orders, Closed Minded, Opinionated, Blames You or Others and Can Be Abusive.

muzzleThe typical receiver role we fall into is the Muzzle.  When we’re not making progress as a sender we throw our mute switch. It’s a form of sheepish surrender where we go along to get along.  Unfortunately we get stuck in Muzzle feelings of retreat like: embarrassment, anxiety, guilt, fear, shame, dread or even depression.  Here is a sample of Muzzle characteristics:  Pretends To Listen, Passive, Masks Feelings, Very Agreeable, Easily Offended, Hides Real Agenda, Avoids Difficulties, Trouble Saying No, Assumes the Blame and Gives Up Easily.

not listeningCommunication is talking and listening that results in the message being sent is actually HEARD!  We can’t communicate without a good receiver.  We can send all we want but if they’re not listening, we’re not communicating.

The Sage and Howler are both sender roles.  Muzzle is our usual go to role as a receiver. Yet expecting a Muzzle to really listen so communication is actually facilitated is an illusion.  It’s a misconception too many of us follow.  We can communicate in a sender role easily enough but it’s playing that receptive listener that’s the challenge.

send-sayThe other receiver role is the Send-Say.  It’s a word that affirms the way we “send” or express ourselves by empowering the other to “say” or speak.  Hence, Send-Say! In this role we behave with an attitude that motivates the sender’s importance and self esteem.  We are free to access feelings that empower, empathize and emphasize their message.  Here is a sample of Send-Say characteristics:  Easy To Talk To, Attentive, Recaps What Is Said, Encourages Goals, Motivates Appropriate Actions, Gently Confronts, Is Open & Receptive, Seeks the Truth and Is a Supportive Coach.

Communicating with others can be a tremendous challenge especially if you have a vested interest in their attitude, behaviors and success.

The most significant factor effecting communication for all of us are FEELINGS!  Emotions can either be the roadblock that drains, dilutes and detours communication or what motivates attention, cooperation and trust.  After all feelings fuel all thoughts, attitudes and behaviors.

when dealing with people...

feelingsSpeaking as a Sage, Howler, Muzzle or Send-Say depends on feelings.  Ours and theirs.  We may start as a confident Sage but frustration seeps in when we sense their objections or  indifference.  So our frustration switches us to Howler to strengthen our message.  When we feel the rudeness of a Howler, it fuels our anger too.  So communication gets corrupted to an adversarial Howler vs Howler argument.

The fix is in the feelings. If we want to listen and be the Send-Say but we’re struggling to maintain calm, we might abort to the give-up Muzzle, get firmer as a knowledgeable Sage or escalate to Howler.  Our shifting feelings fix us to those communication roles.

We develop our communication patterns well into our adulthood. That means mistakes and picking up a lot of bad habits and reactive feelings along the way.  This makes our default communication roles the Howler and the Muzzle. Roles such as Sage and Send-Say are acquired skills and used by successful parents, teachers, business leaders, therapists, etc.

There are two ways to accomplish Sage and Send-Say skills. The trial and error method which takes more time as we fumble along with frustrating failures and feelings.  OR with the effective coaching of MOVVE!™ which puts people on the path to a better career and life more quickly and most assuredly.

Improving communication resources through the ability to manage, maintain and motivate appropriate emotions is called MOVVE!™

MOVVE!™ builds specialized communication abilities with Elite Motivation skills.  We decide which communication role we speak from because we can establish emotional resilience, flexibility and choice.  We discover that we are not stuck in feelings!  Feelings are what we sense and emotions are what we express.  We are free to navigate both our emotions and theirs with the remarkable communication resources of Elite Motivation.

movve logoMOVVE™ invigorates professional skills and opens the door for us to connect and team with others.  We establish the rapport to challenge them to achieve their goals. We don’t just give them answers or advice.  That is what undermines self esteem and confidence.  Rather we co-create with them.  Together we conceive a storyboard of actions so they gain personal ownership and investment.  This fortifies their perseverance to celebrate gains or even setbacks with resolve, resilience and passion.  They commit their attitude and behaviors to the pursuit and achievement of their goals.

They are On The MOVVE™ with Elite Motivation that strengthens their abilities and actions to seek success.

MOVVE™ is the procedural practice of Elite Motivation.  Specialized communication and emotional intelligence practices motivate attitudes and actions in the pursuit and achievement of cooperation, trust and goals.

So drop that trial and error method of skill building that’s filled with frustrations and failures.  Free yourself from those communication ruts and stuck feelings and Get On The MOVVE with Elite Motivation!  

My first book, Elite Motivation, can be found on Kindle and Amazon.  Follow this link to find out about it: goo.gl/OPZXsp

My Guidebook, which offers a graphic filled step-by-step format can also be found on Amazon and Kindle.  Here’s the link:  MOVVE – The Five Keys of Elite Motivation

Contact Jamie Cox M.Ed., (509) 396-4307, email: themovve@charter.net or at our website: themovve.com  Discover MOVVE™ our procedural application of Elite Motivation that walks the talk of messages, information and knowledge.

 

 

 

 

 

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