Gaining Emotional Intelligence

“He makes people uncomfortable” was the warning being circulated about my presentation on emotional intelligence.  “He gets people to get out of their chairs” further embellished this alert.  Ever since Isaac Newton explained why apples fall from trees, logic has been the usual format people use to understand things.  Unfortunately, feelings don’t seem to follow facts, figures or brain centered philosophies.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and influence emotions in oneself and others. Even though brain power is thought to be omnipotent, it is well documented that IQ and technical skills lack an essential energizer.  In fact, it is the competencies associated with emotional intelligence, not IQ, that account for the significant difference in performance between great and just average.

Having a high degree of emotional intelligence is synonymous with having good people skills.  These interpersonal abilities have long been ignored by traditional IQ advocates.  Yet the capacity to deal with others is one of the most important skills ANY person can have.  People skills refer to the various abilities required to deal effectively and productively with others.  These include oral communication, empathy, teamwork, conflict resolution, goal resolve, compassion and flexibility to name a few.

People with emotional intelligence expertise are those who get along well with others. They are great at listening and getting others to work through issues.  They seem to know what to say and how to say it, even in the most stressful circumstances.  They keep their cool and maintain a positive attitude in order to get the job done. They are able to look honestly at themselves and take criticism well and use it productively to improve themselves and their work.  Their attitude and behaviors attract others and encourage a pursuit of excellence.

Abundant evidence proves that emotional intelligence is the key to better human productivity.  However, learning how to apply it goes way beyond common sense or Newtonian physics.  Feelings may not follow logic or science, but they do fuel our thoughts, attitudes and behaviors.  Fortunes and future await those who unlock the application of emotional intelligence.

Unfortunately, when left in the hands of traditional training, any investment of time and money will not achieve what is sought.  Using facts, stats and IQ thinking to teach is a familiar route, and may seem logical, but feelings don’t follow that left-brained path.  Sitting through a seminar that uses charts, graphs and power points to teach emotional intelligence is like expecting people to swim without water.

I particularly like that song by the Lovin’ Spoonful called, “Do You Believe In Magic?” They captured the tune and the words that resonate now.

“I”ll tell you about the magic, and it’ll free your soul

But it’s like trying to tell a stranger ’bout rock and roll”

Most of us have been raised not to trust our emotions. We’ve been told feelings distort the more “accurate” information our brain supplies.  Even the term “emotional” implies being weak, out of control, and even childish.  We watch plays, movies and TV shows that exhibit emotional expressions about life.  Most of us stick to being seated observers rather than exploring feelings as a way to connect and communicate.  We really don’t even explore our own emotional core.

Our “fight or flight” survival instincts generate two primal emotions, anger and fear.  When we think of feeling angry, we associate it with aggressive escalations that generate negativity, disagreements and fights.   With fear we equate stressed insecurity that leads to less than favorable results.  These are just some of the unproductive outcomes associated with these primal emotions.

With skillfully applied emotional intelligence, anger can transition into more useful energies like determination and confidence.  Fear can shift to caution and calm, so we become capable of dealing with difficult situations.  Using emotional intelligence can produce positive and productive results.

Unfortunately we rarely embrace and apply the competencies of emotional intelligence. It’s a huge challenge for most because what we know is so very different from what we do!  Why?  FEELINGS!  New behaviors ignite reactive feelings of anxiety and discomfort.

So we may think about emotional intelligence, but we don’t use it.   In my 25 plus years of working with people, I assembled a procedure, Elite Motivation, for actually applying emotional intelligence.  Since feelings fuel all behaviors, having the emotional smarts to cast off those anxiety anchors is essential to be integrated and applied with behaviors.

MOVVE™ is the rallying brand of Elite Motivation making it easy to understand and apply relevant behaviors.  No seated observation here, actual participatory experiences ensue. Participants gain unique abilities of how to choose appropriate emotions rather than being stuck in unwanted feelings.  This is done with Elite Motivation’s emotionally intelligent communication practices that rally attitudes and behaviors in a healthier pursuit of goals and achievements.

MOVVE™ employs three guidelines that helps people put emotional intelligence into practice.  The first is, “It’s OK to be uncomfortable.”  This sets the stage for people to take risks beyond traditional training settings.  Experiencing how to harness the power of emotions is how new skills get built.  Cooperation, teamwork and productivity result!Agreement

Make your MOVVE!™ to Elite Motivation so intelligence is not just what you know. it’s what you express.


My first book, Elite Motivation, can be found on Kindle and Amazon.  Follow this link to find out about it:

My Guidebook, which offers a graphic filled step-by-step format, can also be found on Amazon and Kindle.  Here’s the link:  MOVVE – The Five Keys of Elite Motivation

Contact Jamie Cox M.Ed., (509) 396-4307, email: or at our website:  Discover MOVVE™ our procedural application of Elite Motivation that walks the talk of messages, information and knowledge.




7 Responses to “Gaining Emotional Intelligence”

  1. Lisa Williams says:

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