Communication – More Than Just Words!

Communication?  Isn’t that what we do when we talk?  It’s what managers do when they’re sharing their selling secrets.  After all, their intent is to help their team increase their productivity and sales.  Sharing intentions is also communicated at wedding ceremonies.  Aren’t they all about a couple celebrating the vows they pledge to each other?  And where would we be without all that family communication that instructs children to do homework, clean their room and stay away from gangs, bullying and drugs?  When we talk to each other we communicate promises, possibilities and potential.

Does it seem that all our talking isn’t really working?  The sales team knows what to do but they still fail to produce those expected profits.  Weddings?  Have you heard that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce?  Is that what they promised in their vows?  And why is it that an alarmingly high number of our children get into those things we told them to avoid?  If we still think that communication is what we’re doing when we talk, then we need to hit the mute switch and look around.  Reality is speaking and it’s saying that we are NOT communicating!

Have you ever experienced that eventual communication connection?  It’s when adult children make a confession to their parents.  “You were right” is the common phrase used in this scene.  After years of torturous experience, children gradually realize that so much of what parents said was true, valuable and life affirming.  “I’m sorry” are other frequent words uttered.  What they’re apologizing for is spelled out when they say, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to listen to you back then.”

And there we have what’s missing in all our talking – LISTENING!

We must clearly be under the illusion that listening happens when the other person is talking.  OUCH!  What a grievous error!  At best our silence is a polite pause as we await OUR opportunity to talk.  Most mistakingly believe talking is when THEY say something and then WE say something.  Point and counter point.  Back and forth  Like this:

“I really think I nailed it today.”

“Sure, like when I thought I nailed it last week with the Nelson account.”

“Oh that was different. You got blindsided.”

“Blind sided?  Let’s not water it down.  I was flat out betrayed!”

“Oh I’m sure Jeff didn’t mean it that way.  After all, he’s just an intern.”

And there you have it.  Communication is two people sharing.  Sending and receiving.  Unless you look closer.  Sure, two people were talking but where is the listening?  When a person speaks from their own perspective, they are the Sender.  They voice their opinions, thoughts and ideas.  Senders believe they are important and have something to say.

A Receiver validates that the Sender IS important.  In fact, Receivers feel that they are there just for the Sender.  Their mission is to help the Sender explore what they’re saying.  No trivial pursuit here.  That’s for conversations and chit chat. When you have a true Receiver, then you have communication.

“I really think I nailed it today.”

“Nailed it?”

“Yeah, I just know he’s ready to sign.”

“ALRIGHT! And you know this because…?

“Because I’m giving him everything he asked for.”

“WOW, way to go!  So the first thing to do now would be…”

The Sender goes on and details all the action steps he’ll be taking.  Now we can easily see and appreciate the difference a Receiver brings to a conversation.  That’s right – communication.

A conversation is where you have a couple of Senders sharing their own thoughts, circumstances and feelings.  That’s what talking is all about.

When you have a Receiver, it is all about the thoughts, circumstances and feelings of the Sender.  A Receiver brings out meaningful depth to what a Sender is saying.  This gives the Sender an opportunity to examine the significance and impact of what they’re expressing.  How?  Because you have a receptive audience that believes what you’re saying has relevance and value.  You are really being heard when you have a Receiver.  This gives the Sender that rare opportunity to validate their thoughts and feelings.  This is how self-esteem and confidence gets enhanced.

When I’m talking with a Receiver and sharing what I’d like to do that day, I don’t hear a bunch of interrogation-type questions or a narrative about what they’d like me to do.  After all, it’s not about them, it’s about ME.  I am the Sender!   When with a Receiver, I am encouraged to continue exploring and expressing so I get to see and feel my future day and all it’s possibilities, detours and outcomes.  A Receiver not only allows me go into depth, they provide the ignition so I can take action!  Since the Receiver is there for me, they ensure that I make my words happen.  A skilled Receiver can really empower accountability AND productivity!  Become a better Receiver and you’ll get better performance.

Movve loge EliteListening is an art form requiring more than techniques or tricks.  It requires a person to use emotional intelligence to put aside their bias or knee-jerk reactions and apply authentic listening so a person can really make their words reality.  I help folks improve their communication skills using MOVVE™ which is the procedural application of Elite Motivation, a comprehensive collection of emotionally intelligent communication resources.

When managers, couples and parents learn how to communicate with active listening skills, they will MOVVE!™ others to better understanding, cooperation and goal-driven teamwork.  This is what I teach.  It’s not just talk.


My first book, Elite Motivation, can be found on Kindle and Amazon.  Follow this link to find out about it:

My Guidebook, which offers a graphic filled step-by-step format, can also be found on Amazon and Kindle.  Here’s the link:  MOVVE – The Five Keys of Elite Motivation

Contact Jamie Cox M.Ed., (509) 396-4307, email: or at our website:  Discover MOVVE™ our procedural application of Elite Motivation that walks the talk of messages, information and knowledge.





5 Responses to “Communication – More Than Just Words!”

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